Whether we recognize it or not, there are many situations when we consciously want something, but our subconscious doesn’t allow us to have it. In this episode we talk about why we can become our own enemy and the mechanisms that take place.
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You will learn
- How can self-sabotage look like in different life areas
- The 5 major reasons for self-sabotage
- How you can set yourself free
This one is on self sabotage, and how we can become our own enemies. self sabotage is something quite common, actually, whether you recognize it, or maybe you have seen that in the past, or maybe you see someone else close to you, self sabotaging them. This is a very typical behavior. And in this episode, we will talk about how we can self sabotage, and what does that actually look like in different life areas in our life. And also, I will share with you the five major reasons why we are self sabotaging ourselves. And those reasons will also give us the directions that we should work on what we should focus on how we can overcome this, and how we can get more awareness about our behavior, which is one of the greatest tools in transforming our lives. So let's start with some examples. And they will show us actually how we can self sabotage ourselves in different life areas. First of all, important clarification or note here, you can sabotage yourself in absolutely every life area, money, health, relationships, career, business, education, you name it. And what happens is, if you want some kind of change, you have some kind of go consciously, that's very important, consciously, you want it, you start changing something, or outer circumstances change. So now you have more, or now things are better. Or Now finally, it seems like you're moving towards your goal. And here is where the self sabotage kicks here is where suddenly, our behavior changes, or our reactions change. And we feel confused, because we do things that seem to be the opposite. That seemed to get us away from our dream, goal, or desire, or direction. And here is a very short example, here is a very practical way how we can do that. Let's say that we want more wealth, you want more money, more abundance in your life, more security, financially. And let's say that finally you get your promotion, and now you really have more money or your business is doing better. So you literally have more money. What happens, what might happen, not always but some possible scenario is that for example, you may start overspending used to be able to let's say make it through the month wait $2,000 very, very random example. You start earning 5000 and somehow your expenses become more you start spending on clothes on unnecessary stuff or, or vacations or whatever. And you are at the same place at the end of the month where you used to be before when you were earning 2000. So overspending or wasting money or just just justifying our expenses, you may say, okay, but this person really needed money, so I had to give them or I really needed to purchase that or have that. Yes, you will find the logical justification. But what's hiding behind that is the self sabotage, that you want to remain where you are subconsciously. Again, that's Important clarification. So for money, very typical self sabotage is over spending. Let's take another example with career, you are getting promoted. Or let's say that you know, that your bosses are considering who they will promote. And suddenly, you start under achieving in your work, your performance is not the way it used to be, or your time management is not where it used to be. So suddenly, your quality of work drops. So at the time, when you're supposed to do the best that you can, so that finally you get promoted or you move forward, somehow, your concentration is worse, your time management is poor, your productivity is lower, you may even have some kind of health issue, this is also a great way to justify why and how we are sabotaging ourselves. So that eventually, you don't get promoted, or if you are promoted, it's temporary. So you are going back to where you used to be. In health, we may do the same thing. Let's say that you want to lose weight. And maybe you have lost a couple of pounds. And suddenly, your appetite increases and you start overeating, very, very typical example of self sabotage. Or suddenly you don't want to exercise. Or let's say that you are committing to a strict exercise schedule. And one week later, you get sick, you have the flu. So now you have a valid reason why you won't be exercising. That's a very classical example of self sabotage as well. And in relationships, this applies totally there as well. Let's say that you are starting a new relationship at the very early stages getting to know each other, getting a little closer and closer. You want this relationship to work consciously. You want this to grow into something stable. But suddenly you start acting weird, you become extremely controlling, or you get obsessed with the person, You're disturbing them, or your behavior is irrational. And even you may not recognize yourself even you may feel okay, but I'm not acting like myself. What's happening? This is not my best side, why am I doing that same reason, you're self sabotaging yourself, you are trying, subconsciously, to sabotage the relationship. So we can go on with those examples for forever. You know, in every live situation, we can self sabotage. But let's take a look at the reasons because that is where we will also find the right tools and directions that we should use to really change those patterns. As I told you, I have five major reasons prepared for you. And here they are. The first one, the first major reason you think you don't deserve this, you think you are unworthy. In most cases, this is subconsciously, you don't realize this, you don't think it like that. Sometimes you might actually, but not always. So if you think you don't deserve to have more money, or to be promoted, or to have a happy relationship, of course, you will sabotage yourself. Because you don't believe that you belong there. You don't believe that? You deserve to have this in your life. And you are going back to where you used to be the place where you think you belong, the place where you think you are worthy of. So if you are self sabotaging yourself, the first thing to look at, do you think you are worthy of having that? Do you think you really deserve that? And don't give an automatic answer to that. Of course, your initial conscious response would be of course, of course. I deserve more. More money, I work so hard. Okay, let's look deeper. And usually in meditation or a spiritual practice or in an EFT session, we tend to get closer to the subconscious. And that's when those self sabotage, ideas of unworthiness can pop up so we can heal them, we can see them. So number one reason, unworthiness. Number two, fear of changes. Human beings are really interesting, and especially our brain, because as you know, our brain is really, really all evolutionary, it's really old. And in ancient times, change has been a synonym to danger. Change can always bring something unknown, something uncertain. And for our archive brain change is a symbol of potential danger. And very often, this may become the mechanism that kicks off when we want to have something new something different, even when it's actually better. But this archive brain cannot be sure. Okay, is it really better for you to have more money? What if someone steals for you? Well, if someone blackmails you, or many people start asking money from you, it's a change, especially if we talk about bigger changes, like moving to a totally different level. So fear of change is the second common reason why we self sabotage ourselves. The same thing we should do here, we have to dig deeper, go and connect to those subconscious believes reasons, and heal them and transform them. Number three, reason number three, is related to habits and patterns. In order to survive our body, our brain needs to make certain things automatic, just like things that we don't think about, like digestion, the work of our heart, all the organs, they are our automatic. So for the brain and for the body, it's very efficient energetically, to create patterns, and habits, habitual things, habitual behaviors and actions. And if you are used to have this amount of money, or if you have been single, for quite a while now, it's becoming like a habit, a pattern, especially if we talk about things that you have never had. For example, you have never earned such a certain amount of money, never in your life, or you have never been to such a high career position. In those cases, habits and patterns can be also a very strong mechanism to sabotage your growth or achievements or changes. Because obviously, you need to break those patterns. And this always requires more energy, more effort, there is some kind of risk, it may not work some times. And for the subconscious mind, again, it might be just an unnecessary risk. You may not be really happy where you are right now. But you are alive, you have been here for your whole life or for so many years. You will handle it, you don't need this risk. That's how the subconscious mind very often works. So habits and patterns, and those are subconsciously affecting us. That's the third major mechanism. The fourth one is related to the past. Some people and they're more than you might suspect, have a very strong attachment to their past. Again, it's somehow related also to the fear of change. It's also somehow related to To our habits and patterns, but this is also like some kind of loyalty. You are used to having this or not having that. And it's difficult to let it go, it's difficult to move forward. It's also risky sometimes, or it may not work, or you may get embarrassed or whatever, or you might be criticized or judged by other people. So, for many people, quite often the problem is their connection to the past. Even if they are unhappy, even if they have been unhappy during their whole life, they are get they get attached to their past. And it's difficult to let it go. Very often, consciously, they may feel stuck, they may feel tired, there might be different negative emotions, sometimes depression, sadness, overwhelm, lack of motivation, many options. But subconsciously, they are attached to those past experiences, conditions, situations, whatever the case could be. So that's the fourth major reason. And we have the fifth left, which from certain point of view, can be the most important Actually, I have called this one standards. And I want to share with you an example this is kind of like analogy, which is not mine, I have seen it somewhere else, but I just really liked it. So I want to share it with you. Let's say that, imagine you have an air conditioner, which is set to let's say 70 degrees, for example. And this is your normal, comfortable temperature. If the outer temperature gets colder, so the temperature in the room, let's say drops to 60, the air conditioner starts working and heats the temperature so that you go back to 70. This could be an example of for example, let's say that sometimes you are used to have something in your life, you are used to have certain level. And suddenly things drop down. Let's say financially, you need those $2,000 each month, suddenly, somehow your income drops to, let's say 515 100. So you just find mechanism, you it's easy for you. And you while it may not be that easy, but you managed to do that to find the gap, those 500. So when things get lower than you're used to, somehow you manage to bring them to this usual level. Okay, but let's say that also the opposite happens, the temperature increases to 80 degrees, you're not used to that as well, this is not your standard. So the air conditioner, decreases the temperature. So it drops back to 70. Your standard temperature with money, this may look like earning more money. And suddenly you spend them or you lose them or you do something irrational with them. So this is a very, very common mechanism as well, your standards, what you are used to, and more or less it covers all of the other stuff, the unworthiness, the fear of changes to habits and patterns, the connection with the past. They all represent your standard. And if you have certain standards in relationships, for example, you might not like it of course, but hey, that's your standard you are used to it. It's well known. Your standard is to be single or even worse, to have bad relationships, abusive partners. That's your standard. And even if you consciously want to have a nice partner, you start the relationship with a very nice kind, polite guy and self sabotage comes. So you're back to being single, or eventually you find another abusive relationship. It may sound a little harsh, I really don't want to, to, to take it that way. But we need to open our eyes in order to see the truth. And all of those mechanisms are within ourselves. That's why we call this self sabotage. So we need to be open to see how we are doing that or not doing that. So I hope that you will open your eyes and look at certain life situations from a different perspective. analyze what could be the major reason for you to for some people, the major reason might be unworthiness. For other people, it could be habits. For the third group of people, it could be standards, but more or less, those are the five major reasons that get us into this self sabotaging behavior. And that's what you need to work on. It's totally manageable. It requires work. That's true, but you can change that. There are different techniques we use EFT we use different coaching techniques, and we can release those blockages. So I hope I have inspired you to make the wanton desire changes and to have more abundance in your life. Thank you so much for joining me.