In this episode we’ll talk about the importance of your own reaction towards the emotions you experience. This is especially relevant to habitual feelings, which you don’t like but they seem to be coming regularly.
Listen to the show
You will learn
- Why your own frustration with your feelings is making things worse
- What’s the best reaction when you struggle with negative emotions
- How get out of the vicious circle
Hello, dear friends. In this episode, I want to talk about one specific thing. And it won't be about different rules, it won't be about different reasons or principles. It's literally about one single thing. But I also believe that this theme is so important that it truly deserves to be discussed separately from all the other psychological topics that we discuss here. So here this, we will talk about the importance of how you feel about your feelings. And let me give you a few examples to get a clearer idea of what I mean. Having noticed how, very often when you feel angry, for example, or someone pushes your buttons for the 100th time. And after you feel this anger or negative emotion, you start being angry because you are angry, you are annoyed by that or you're telling saying something to yourself, like, why did I allow this to happen again. And it's literally like putting another negative emotion on top of the initial negative emotion. And that my friend is a very common situation. Very often, when you feel something that you're not happy about. It could be anger, it might be also sadness, or even fear, or frustration, or anxiety. When you feel those emotions in certain situations in a given moment, you also feel something additional, because of the fact that this initial emotion or a feeling exists. That's very common. When, for example, we are afraid if you have had any experience with anxiety, or or panic attacks, you know that quite often at certain point, you start being afraid that the fear will come. And it's it's a very strange situation. But it's like you are triggering the fear because you are afraid of it. Or you feel anxious because you are anxious. And sometimes the emotion might be the same. So you are even more anxious because the initial emotion is anxious. Or it might be something different. You feel, for example, frustrated. And because you feel frustrated, you start feeling sad. It's usually kind of a vicious circle. And it's a pattern. Very often we do this kind of like on autopilot. And that's why I want to bring your awareness to this fact. The truth is that very often on a daily basis, we have different emotions. And it's kind of impossible to be constantly happy, like 100% of the time. I doubt that it's really possible, unless you are really evolved and you work on yourself. And you have this internal kind of like perspective and mindset. And I guess it's possible but for most people, the way in the place we are is that quite often in your daily life, you will have some negative emotions. And you may have your favorite ones, so to speak, or the ones which are really common, and usually that's the case. Usually we struggle with one or two negative emotions which are kind of like our favorites. And it doesn't mean that we like that but Somehow we seem to repeat them. For some people, this could be feeling sad, quite often. For others, it might be the anger. And for another group of people, it could be some kind of general frustration, or feeling stuck. Obviously, there are many, many variations and options. But when you also start to judge yourself, for your response, or for the way you feel, you are literally stuck in the negative emotions, one on top of the other. And what would be the solution in this case, as usual, it won't come as a huge surprise, the first step is higher awareness, to pay attention to your models, your patterns. And very, very important, it's kind of like the universal psychological remedy or a solution for all of the different negative emotions or situations. And that's only one thing. It's acceptance. As we said, your thing might be anger, or anxiety, or fear, sadness. And sometimes it doesn't even need to be like a very negative emotional state, you know that sometimes it may just be kind of like a mood shift. But when you notice that, just accept it. Just give space for this emotion, allow it to be if you want, you may try to see what's the purpose of that? what's beneath that? Is there some kind of message? Is there some kind of meaning, you may play with that a lot. Sometimes, you just need to kind of like stay quiet, and be present with what is at the given moment. And ironically, that's exactly what will get you faster out of this state. And I'm saying this from lots of personal experience, I am a very emotional person. And obviously, I have different emotional states, like most people, and sometimes I just have a bad mood, or I have a bad day, or whatever, something comes up. And I used to be very annoyed. I used to be very How do I put that? Well, yeah, it's just a very negative reaction. The words my initial state, for example, if I'm tired, if I'm not as productive as I would like to be, if I don't have enough motivation to do my tasks. And again, I'm a Capricorn. So work is very important and productivity, your thing might be something else. But I really used to get pissed or annoyed or, or blaming myself, why am I allowing this? Why did this have to come right now, I don't need this right now. Okay, but the more you go in this direction, the deeper the negative state becomes, you either bring the same initial emotion, the frustration or the anxiety, or you put another negative emotion on top, but in both cases, it's bad. And it's getting deeper, and you just can't get out of it so fast. What I'm proposing to is kind of the opposite. And again, I have tested that and it really works. When you have this negative emotion, especially if this is a pattern for you, especially if you're someone who feels sad or angry on a daily basis for frequently or whatever the negative emotion is, just accept that. Okay, so that's the motion I'm experiencing right now. No, I will let it be, I will accept it. And when you stop resisting that with force, when you stop blaming yourself, when you stop, you know, following this negative spiral. Ironically, the negative emotion disappears quite fast. Sometimes it may happen spontaneously, and immediately. In other cases, it might take some time, of course, it depends on the actual emotion, the intensity and lots of other stuff. But in some cases, the relief might be really fast. But even if it's not, immediately, there is some kind of relief, even in the fact that you accept that that you allow it to be because emotions, they they come with some kind of purpose. If you're angry, then maybe you need to change something, maybe you're fighting with something may be you are kind of like leading a battle in your life. So maybe you just need to take certain actions. If you're sad, maybe you need to take better care of yourself, maybe you need to pay more attention to yourself. So we can go really deep into exploring what can be the message of each negative emotion. And actually, I highly recommend you to do that. But the first step is always acceptance. Things are that way. So if I deny that if I try to fight, the feeling, what happens is that it usually fights back. And I get even more annoyed, or it's a mess. It's like an emotional mess. So when you accept the way you feel, you give yourself permission to be the way you are. And from that point, it's much easier to change things or very often, things change, kind of like, in their own way, in some kind of healing way. Or you have a realization, or you see a new perspective, a new direction. Obviously, there are many options how this may evolve. But my point, the only main idea of this episode is to pay attention to the feelings you have the words your feelings, so how do you feel about your feelings, and to stop putting the negative emotions one on top of the other, to accept what is to relax to give it some space. Or if you can't relax, okay, except that right now, I'm very tired or whatever, or I'm restless. Okay, that's just how I am right now. Ironically, it will help you to relax a little bit at least. And that's a very, very healthy pattern, which I honestly recommend you to practice all the time. Sometimes it might be easier. In other cases, it may take more time. But of course, the more you do it, the better and faster it will work. And at certain point, you will just accept that there is no need for some kind of extreme emotional reaction and emotions come and go. And very important piece Also, your emotions are separate from you. So you have the right to observe and not to feel lost in the motion, especially when it's a negative one, of course. So, lots of things to to explore to try. But again, it all comes down to increasing your awareness. There are other things that you may do as well you know that I'm a huge fan of energy work. I use energy Psychology, energy coaching, EFT, tapping and lots of variations of energy holistic practices. Of course, they are also helpful and they can be great solutions to some kinds of negative feelings and experiences. But even in those practices, the first thing that we do is that we accept what is. And you may not want to go so deep into, you know, exploring what's beneath that in every daily situation. But that's a great first step, which might be the last step for this for the moment, just put the line and stop being angry because somebody you know, is making you angry. So now you're angry that you allowed that someone made you feel angry, or, yeah, all the other possible variations. So it requires some repetition, the mind, we had an episode about that the laziness of the mind, the mind likes repetitive patterns, the mind likes, thanks to remain the way they used to be or the way they were so far. So it requires some effort to teach yourself to practice that to remind yourself. So no blame, no guilt. But when you catch yourself next time, when you have the negative emotion, bring this acceptance. And pretty soon, you will feel the relief just because you are allowing yourself to be the way you are. So that's my message for today. It's only one but it's so important that I really wanted to bring your focus to it. Thank you so much for joining me, and I will catch you next time. Take care.