Do you try to control everything (and everyone) in your life? Is it hard for you to let go and have faith?
In this episode we'll discuss one of the main reasons for that - the trauma of betrayal.
You will learn the most typical scenarios that create it and what are the consequences.
This episode is part of the series about the 5 types of trauma (episodes 13-18).
Listen to the show
You will learn
- when does this trauma typically occur and with which parent
- the body structure and other physical characteristics
- possible health issues
- the copying mechanism - the mask of the dependent person
Hello dear friends and welcome to episode number 17. Today we are talking about the fourth psychological wound or the fourth trauma. This one is the trauma of betrayal. This episode is part of the series about the five psychological traumas which is a concept created by Lisa ball ball and we are going to discuss how you can find out whether you or someone else have this type of trauma. First of all, by analyzing the body structure, the body never lies. So this is one of the most accurate ways to define whether someone has this type or any other type of trauma, but also we'll talk about the specific characteristics, the qualities of those people and their behavior. Also, we'll mention the potential challenges including the health issues, those people may suffer. And overall, what's the solution if you or someone you love, have a trauma of betrayal? First of all, let's talk about the body structure. And for your convenience, we have created drawings of a typical body structure, which you can find on my website. You can just click the link for the show notes, or go to my website and there you will find the body structure.
The most typical for those people is that first of all, there is a difference between men and women. For men who suffer of from trauma of betrayal. They Have usually very strong or a larger arms and shoulders. And many of them are also interested in sports fitness. So they really want to look strong and all those people, all those men specifically, that have lots of muscles, and you know, they're really strong fitness guys. Most of them have this type of trauma of betrayal. For the latest, it's kind of the opposite. So instead of the shoulders, actually, the stronger more accentuated area is the hip area. And probably you can remember, you can visualize what we call a pure structure. So the lower part of the body is kind of larger, it's more accentuated than the upper part, then the shoulders and the more disproportional structure we have, the stronger the trauma is. So for example, there are some ladies who might be really slim, really tiny in the upper part of the body and in the hip area.
They are a little bit disproportional, they're kind of stronger, it's more accentuated. It doesn't need to be really drastic, but sometimes it could be. So the more drastic the difference, the stronger the trauma of betrayal is. Overall, those people look really strong, they look decisive, they are brave. Even in their eyes, you will see the courage and also the ability to control which leads us actually to their main coping mechanism. It's kind of a mask that they wear, in order to handle with things better to protect themselves from being hurt and This mask is the mask of control. People suffering from trauma of betrayal. Use this coping mechanism, they try to control things. They try to control themselves, their bodies, their behavior, their work everything. they very often try to control other people, or at least they're extremely sensitive about someone else controlling them. That's kind of the minimum. So they don't necessarily always want to control others, but they're very sensitive if others are trying to control them.
So let's talk about the first time when the trauma gets activated. First of all, the general concept the general idea is that we are not victims. So even if we have been through some kind of challenges, during childhood, this happens for a reason. And the main reason is that our soul has chosen this path, this personal experience. And the main idea here is that our soul has this trauma, probably from before, and it has chosen this path this life, to go through it and eventually to find ways to heal this. But in childhood, the most difficult age when this trauma occurs for the first time, is usually between the age of two and four. And this type of trauma is triggering or is related to with the parent from the opposite sex. For ladies, this is with their father, for the men, it's with their mother. That's the most typical scenario and for whatever reason The person feels betrayed by their parent. And let me remind you that sometimes we may have
Well, what we can call like a normal experience or something that at least most of us would consider as betrayal, but very often this is more about our personal interpretation. So, the point here is that one experience for one person could be, you know, could be experienced as betrayal for someone else, it could be rejection. So, the personal interpretation is very important. And for whatever reason, the child at early age between two and four typically feels betrayed by their loved parent from the opposite sex. Very typical also, there is some kind of idealization of this parent or at least at that age, there has been. And sometimes it can, you know, it can be like a temporary phase, but very often, it can, you know, continue for a very long time sometimes even when we are adults. And obviously the possible situations and scenarios are countless. There could be another sibling born in the family. So suddenly you feel betrayed by your father because now he's paying attention to your younger sister or brother, there could be a parent who needs to travel more, or star needs to start working or whatever.
The important thing is how you feel about it, how you interpret that, not what most people would thing because that doesn't matter. Most people may say, Oh my gosh, how can you consider that as betrayal. If you only knew what happened to me, that doesn't really matter for the person himself, because his body structure will tell you his behavior, his coping mechanisms will show you whether he has or hasn't got this trauma and there is an element of bitterness. So, there has been a very strong attachment or idealization. And for whatever reason, the person feels betrayed by this parent. So, eventually what happens is that he is trying to control more things in his life in order to protect himself for from feeling betrayed. And very often, this may turn into a very kind of like strong, sometimes even masculine behavior. Usually those are people who look very confident they have Very strong presence. They are really brave. And they like to dominate. They like to be the leaders. And this is like the position of you know, the strong person who's no longer depending on others. But the reason for that is because he has felt hurt by other people. He has felt betrayed. And as we know, from lots of experience, the things that we suffer from and we haven't healed, we tend to attract even more of them.
So if this trauma of betrayal doesn't get healed or is not overcome, over time, it tends to repeat so the person will attract other situations very often in their personal life, in their personal relationships, other people who eventually betray them, and makes things even make things even harder. For them to trust someone else to open up and to let this control. And another thing which very often happens is that also, those people may even become sometimes too competitive or aggressive at times. Again, this is their coping mechanism. This is their way to show others the end themselves, by the way, that they are strong that they can handle things that they don't need other people. And one of the consequences is that it's very difficult for them also to delegate because they don't trust other people overall, they have trust issues, and it gets really difficult for them to allow someone else to do something on their behalf. Another element here is that very often they are also in you know, always in a hurry. They like things to happen really fast. They think past they find solutions fast, and they want everything to happen immediately. And because very often they could be like on leading positions or have some kind of control and power over other people, especially at work. And if someone else is kind of slow or they need more time or they need more explanation, the person with the trauma of betrayal, the person with controlling coping mechanism gets really angry or frustrated.
And they kind of prefer to do it themselves than to explain and wait for someone else to learn and do it. So obviously, over time, this can become a problem. Or if they delegate, they could be quite demanding, controlling, they want to be aware with everything that's happening so they don't give other people the level of freedom and they would expect you Very often also, those people are more focused on the future. So they plan they set goals, they may visualize things that they want to happen in the future. And that's where they spend most of their time imagining the things that they would like to create, again, visualizing the control that they will have over their life over circumstances, and so on. And the other thing is that also the person suffering from trauma of betrayal may have problems with authority figures, because he consider himself as you know, the one that should define the rules that knows best it's very difficult for them to trust or to allow another person to become the authority even when they are actually you know, on a higher position the person suffering from trauma between Israel very often has problems with authority figures.
And they also really value their reputation. It's very important for them, how do they look like in front of others? What would other people think of them. So everything that concerns their reputation, their name is extremely important. They also value privacy a lot. They want other people to keep their word not to, you know, to lie to them and lie is and manipulation is actually something that might be present in their life. From one side, they don't like lying the charges but sometimes, unintentionally, they might do it. They're capable also of manipulating others. With all the power and control they have all the presence or the strength they are capable of influencing, or sometimes even manipulating other people.
Okay, and some of the main fears also that those people have are the fear of separation. And this could be something they don't admit openly, but that's kind of the root issue, the root problem, they are afraid of separating with people, they love people, they value and so on. And very often in order to kind of prevent this, they might attract partners who are unavailable by default, someone who's already married, someone who's, you know, demonstrating that they are not interested in marriage from the start. And that's their way To protect themselves from separation in the future, even if it looks like it's not what they really want, even if consciously they say they want the committed relationship, but if you or someone you know, constantly find themselves in relationships where the person is unavailable or whatever, you know, he's not there for you. Very often one of the reasons is fear of separation. So you just make the relationship impossible. And in this way, you cannot separate. And another interesting element here is that very often, so not always, but often. People who have a trauma of betrayal also have a trauma of abandonment.
And we have another podcast episode. You have to check but I believe it's episode three Number 15, which is about the trauma of abandonment, very often, that's the first trauma abandonment, which makes people quite dependent on others needing others. But eventually, if they don't get this, if you know if they are strong by nature, they switch to the other polarity, they feel betrayed. And they start to control others and themselves and overall trying to control things in life. So it's always an important question if the person has a trauma of betrayal, to explore is there beneath that also the trauma of abandonment, which would mean that inside the person, there's lots of sensitivity, and very often that's the case. Those people internally are very sensitive and fragile, but externally there will do everything. It takes all it takes to, you know, to have the opposite image to show how strong they are, how powerful how confident they are, so that no one would suspect that internally they struggle, and they feel weak. And that's just a way to overcompensate things. Sounds very logical. If you think about it, you will realize that very often that what we people do, we feel hurt. And in order to protect ourselves, we start projecting the image of the warrior who is extremely strong, who don't need other people and you name it. That's very typical.
Okay, so how do we handle with that? So, first of all, it's very important to recognize this to bring your awareness if your body's truck is the one which we describe again, you can compare with the picture on the website. If you find this structure if you find some of those characteristics, and you don't need to have all of them by the way, even some of them still show that there is some kind of trauma of betrayal. Then First of all, bring your awareness to this and explore your relationship and all the thoughts you have about your parent from the opposite sex. And think about, try to think about how you have interpret their behavior when you have been a child. It's not always simple to do this on your own. You might need some help, professional help to get into the needed state. But you need to explore those memories and to connect more with the subconscious mind to get to the root of things and then you Need to heal this, you can use matrix reimprinting energy psychology. These are the methods I use the most in my work with people to heal traumas. And here is the interesting fact that when you heal this trauma, you stop attracting the same situations in your life. And the other thing is also, if you suffer from trauma of betrayal, it also means that on certain level you are betraying yourself. It may take some time to find exactly how you're doing that.
Very often we have like blind spots for what we are doing to ourselves, but if someone else has betrayed you, you can be absolutely sure that on certain level at certain point you have betrayed yourself as well. So stop betraying yourself. First thing, most important thing is stop betraying you yourself, heal the previous traumas, and then just you can change the scenario, everything may flip. Okay, and let me just mention quickly, which are the most typical health issues that people suffering from trauma of betrayal may also experience. First of all, it's anything that's related to control. So losing control, for example, unexpected bleeding, this is something that you have no control over at least no conscious control, diarrhea or digestive problems, liver issues, sometimes even herpes, in some cases, agoraphobia and also paralysis or problems with the bones, the joints and especially the nice you know that the knees they are related to authority figures if you have problems with authority figures, Your knees probably have certain issues. So those problems may also be improved when you heal your traumas.
And you may have more than one trauma, as we said, very typical for trauma of betrayal underneath we find also the trauma of abandonment. But you may have also other traumas, the important thing is bring your awareness to what has happened and what is currently the situation. Stop doing the same thing with yourself. Because I can guarantee you that you are doing this with yourself. And then when you heal all of the past when you let it go, you can start fresh and things change and your health can improve. And over time, even your body structure may become different. So quite interesting. It's not something that happens overnight. But with time with patience and control assistance, you can literally transform your life and your health. So that's the most important about the trauma of betrayal. If you have any questions or you want my help, I'm working with people who have different types of trauma so you can contact me from my website, Mars stars dotnet. And I would love to help you. Thank you so much for listening, and I'll catch you next week.