Do you feel unaccepted or unwanted? Do you think that you are unimportant? If that's you then probably you have the trauma of rejection.
In this episode we'll discuss the earliest trauma - the one of rejection. You will learn the most typical scenarios that create it and what are the consequences.
This episode is part of the series about the 5 types of trauma (episodes 13-18).
Listen to the show
You will learn
- When does this trauma typically occur and with which parent
- The body structure and other physical characteristics
- Possible health issues
- The copying mechanism - the mask of the fugitive
- Lise Bourbeau
- Ep 13. The 5 Traumas
Welcome to holistic coach mastery podcast with Marina Stoichkova. It's your audio library for clarity, inspiration, and empowerment. With your friend and welcome to episode number 14. This episode is part of the series about the five traumas. And in this one, we are going to talk about the first trauma, which is the trauma of rejection. So in this episode, you will learn when does this trauma occur for most people, with which of the parents this trauma is being created, also, which are the consequences what happens later in life, which is the mask those people where and also the different characteristics which can help you to Recognize, including the body structure and different physical characteristics, we'll talk also about the behavior of the person and which are the difficulties they face with and also, which are the potential physical problems. So first of all, let me remind you that if you haven't listened to the previous episode, Episode Number 13, you might want to go and listen to it because this is the introduction which explains this concept. And the concept has been created by a very famous psychotherapist, her name is lisper bomb. And she talks about those five traumas or five ones. So today the focus is on rejection. First of all, let's describe when is this trauma occurring for most people. The interesting thing here is that this is the earliest trauma of the five. So usually, it's being created when the person is being born sometimes even before they were born, when they were in the womb of the mother, or within the first year after the child was born. And what happens is that consciously or subconsciously, one of the parents rejects the child. This is a very typical situation when the child was unwanted, unplanned unexpected, so to speak, or also when the parents wanted the boy but the child is a girl or the other way around. So when there is something that the parents are usually one of them doesn't accept. This creates the trauma of rejection. And it's not necessarily such a major type of rejection. Sometimes those could be small, tiny things, but they may also have a huge impact. And the other thing we need to mention here is that sometimes the parent does all of that subconsciously. So they don't want to reject the child. They're not doing it intentionally. But usually because they also have the same trauma. They have felt rejected by their parent. They are doing the same with their child. And that happens unless they have healed their trauma. If you manage to recognize this trauma within yourself and you manage to heal it, you are about to happen. Many people in your life including yourself, of course, but also your children and maybe even your parents. So how is this happening and why? We talked about it last time in the previous episode, but very short reminder that we are not blaming anyone. It's not about feeling guilty. It's about higher awareness. And the main idea here is that we come with certain traumas, which we have experienced in previous incarnations, and we haven't been able to heal and those traumas or wounds that were not healed, tend to repeat all over again, we recreate them, we attract those people, those circumstances Until we handle and until we heal those traumas. So, children who have felt rejected early in their life, even if they don't have the conscious understanding of that, later in life, first of all, they reject themselves. And second of all, they will attract the same situations or similar situations when they will be rejected over and over again. Or, if we have to be more accurate, we shall say that they will feel rejected, it doesn't necessarily mean that someone is really rejecting them. But that's how they feel. That's how they interpret the situation. This is a very important note, by the way, that it's all about how we see things how we feel in the different situations. So the trauma of rejection, As we said occurs very early in our life, the earliest trauma. And what happens is that the person fee or the child feel like they don't deserve to be alive or they don't deserve much to receive much love or other things in life, because they have felt like they just don't have the right for her that they are not supposed to be here. They were unwanted, or in some way rejected by the most important people by the parents were usually one of them. And what happens is that this child and later on, a grown up person tries their best to avoid similar situations. And the way they do this is by using a mask. Again, this is completely subconscious and The mask that people suffering from rejection, where is the mask of the future? The person who runs away the person who escapes the person who is just not present not fully here. And that's just a coping mechanism for them not to be rejected. So in order for me to not be rejected, I choose to run away first. I choose to avoid situations when I will get attached to whatever. That's the coping mechanism of people suffering from trauma of rejection. And they also kind of believe they think, at least subconsciously that they are insignificant, that they just don't matter. They are not important. And the way it affects the body is that the body is very slim. And what we did actually to help you recognize those concepts is that my wonderful assistant Chrissy made the drawings of the body structures which are typical for each trauma. So just click the link in the show notes or go to my website. There you will see the picture of the body structure which is typical for trauma of rejection. And you will see that those are the people with the slimmest bodies, the very small, tiny bodies with almost no fat and that's how the body translates the idea of the person that he is just insignificant that he doesn't deserve to have or to Take a lot of space literally. So the body is very tiny. And we are going to talk about different characteristics. So another note here, you may or may not have those characteristics. So usually, you know a person suffering from rejection may have some of those, but we don't aim for, you know, having all of them so that we can relate this trauma No. The more characteristics you have of those, the stronger the trauma is, but even one or two of those characteristics still show that somehow you resonate with this trauma. So don't think that you need to have all of them. If you have one or two, especially if they are related to the body structure, then you definitely need to work with the wound of rejection. So The body is very slim. And or certain body parts are very small. It could be the ankles, it could be the breasts, it could be the chain or whatever part of the body may just be smaller and kind of disproportional to the other part of the body. So either the body is extremely slim, you see the picture on the website, you will recognize this body structure. Of course, we have seen people like that, that maybe you have this structure, but you may not have the same body structure, but just have certain parts of the body that are very small, tiny or disproportional, and it also shows that you resonate with the trauma of rejection. Another possible case is to have some kind of disproportion between the lower and The upper part of the body, one of them is bigger, or they just don't seem to fit very well. And also variation here could be that the left and the right part of the body might be very different. And we know that no one has their left and the right side, perfectly equal, and that's normal. But when you see a significant disproportion, or actually the more significant this disproportion is, the more the person resonates with the trauma of rejection. Some other possible physical characteristics showing you that the person or you may have a trauma of rejection is also when the eyes are very small, or when there are some kind of circles like dark circles around the eyes. And overall, those people seem to be kind of looking somewhere or kind of, you know, not really present in their eyes and you will recognize that they are not here they're somewhere else like floating a little bit. And that's again, their tendency to try to run away to escape so that they won't be rejected. It's like they are rejecting first, so they won't get rejected by others. That's kind of a coping mechanism. Also, an interesting characteristic is that those children are very quiet, because they feel insignificant. They feel they don't matter. They're not important. They might be very quiet, very silent. And it's interesting that at the same time, what they crave is attention. So it's a contradiction they typically have. And sometimes they may behave in a strange way to attract attention. At the same time when they get the attention. They feel like they don't deserve it. So it really creates a lot of discomfort because they just don't feel that they matter. And also the tiny body is a way for them to kind of attract tenderness or some kind of emotion from other people, usually from the parents. And the most typical situation is that this type of trauma is related to the parent of the same sex. So for girls and women, this would be a conflict with their mother for boys and men conflict with the Father. That's the person who they feel rejected by I'm almost hearing you like, you know, you say, Okay, I have those characteristics, but I don't think I was rejected by my mother. The truth is that it may happen subconsciously. If you find if you recognize those characteristics, it shows that you have been rejected, you have felt rejected to be more accurate in your early childhood, by the parent of the same sex. And what happens is also that the child has a very tiny body as we said, so they kind of look weak, so eventually it attracts some kind of attention by their parents. And in order for them to be protected. The parents very often may create or may offer this type of suffocating love. Very strange, but it will be Li works that way, which on the other side is very strange for the child and they don't feel comfortable with this suffocating glow, which eventually pushes them away even more, or triggers their desire to escape to run away. So it's kind of a vicious circle. And the truth is that it's probably one of the most important things. This person, the one who feels rejected, who suffers from this trauma of rejection, they are also rejecting themselves. And they may not recognize this. They may act like oh no, I have already done you know so much about myself and I know how self love is important then other stuff, they read books and so on, which is wonderful. But very often they don't recognize they actually are doing the same with themselves, they are rejecting themselves as well. And it's not helpful. It's just not healthy. And they first of all need to recognize this. Some other characteristics are typical things for this person are related to their feelings. Very often they feel alone. Very often they feel like they don't fit. Like they just don't they're not recognized or they don't have the right to be part of a community or at school, there might be issues with that. So very often, they may suffer from loneliness and another coping mechanism to avoid this closeness which eventually may lead to rejection is by Creating subconsciously creating some sort of skin problems. The skin is our way to connect physically to other human beings. And when we have different kinds of skin problems, acne or whatever, this is a subconscious way for us to reject others. So we feel like we are unattractive so they won't, they wouldn't want to touch us. So we are safe because that means we won't be rejected after that. And the truth is that this problem also creates some kind of rejection or is related to it. So it's kind of a double trauma or double pain that this person could be feeling. So if you have, you know, like persistence can problems. Think about it. Probably you have some trauma for injection others typical characteristics are related to the fact that the person rejects themselves, they underestimate themselves and they think that they need to be perfect otherwise, what they do wouldn't matter or even worse, they won't matter. So they may torture themselves with perfectionism with too much judgment which with too much self criticism, and of course, it creates even more and more pain. Okay, so, other things which you may also recognize. One of them is the fact that the person tries not to be attached, attached to people attached to their environment and even attached or interested in the material world. When you are closely connected or attached to material stuff, you are kind of dependent on them and you're also risking to lose them and somehow feel rejected. So the coping mechanism makes those people neglect or overlook all kinds of material stuff. They may focus much on spirituality or some more intellectual goals, but usually, they don't pay so much attention to the material world. And sometimes it could be a problem, because they may not be able to handle well with the material world like finances, career and other things. And it's just also unhealthy for the body. When we neglect when we reject the material world. It means we are rejecting our physical body and that's usually a recipe for health. issues. Okay, so now let's talk about some of the typical fears. The so the most typical fear those people have is actually the fear of being panicked or extremely scare. It's just like driving them crazy. That's one of the most unpleasant emotions for people suffering from trauma of rejection, to feel like they're panicking, that they are kind of like losing control. And some other typical things they also say a lot are related to using the word, it doesn't matter or I don't matter, or it's nothing or that's, you know, meaning glare so everything which neglect staring Boredoms what they have done, the support they deserve in life. It's all about this negativity. Okay, so other characteristics of this trauma are related also to possible eating disorders. So usually those are the people that eat very little. Sometimes it may turn into a real eating disorder like anorexia or something related to that that really affects the physical body. And this is the way for for the body to be able to escape when you're a tiny person you can hide you can run away really fast you won't be noticed that much. And when you are a noticed you are again, kind of attracting this region. So again a vicious circle. Some other things which you may also find this typical characteristics are related to their desire to eat with banks. And again, I'm reminding you, you don't necessarily need to find all of this, but I'm just listing the possibilities. So, eating sweet things may also bring like fuel to this people and Lisberger actually explains it in a very interesting way. She says that panic or you know like feeling scared or insignificant drains your energy and those people really suffer from from energy basically, and sugar and all kinds of sweet things. They are very good source, not necessarily healthy Of course, but they are bringing you The energy really fast. That's why people suffering from rejection, usually also like very much to eat. Sweet. Thanks. Okay, so now we can also talk about some possible health issues like concrete illnesses. And an important note here is that it doesn't mean that only be people suffering from rejection would have those illnesses. What we are saying is that they are much more predisposed. So here are the most typical problems, diarrhea, arrhythmia, all kinds of breathing problems, allergies, dizziness, agoraphobia, diabetes, cancer, depression, and unfortunately Also suicidal thoughts. So you don't need to have all of those illnesses, of course. But if you have some of those, it means that chances are higher, you might have the trauma of rejection. And in some way, this is one of the deepest wounds, because it's very early, and it literally triggers or affects the way you feel about life and your place in life. And that's why those, you know, health issues are also so kind of challenging and negative. Because the person is extremely traumatized when they have this type of trauma, to feel rejected by nature, to feel like it's not, you know, the right place to be or you're supposed to be someone else and Keep in mind again that this doesn't have to be like the main theme of your life, you might be kind of a little rejected. So in this case, it would mean that the characteristics will be less or they won't be that noticeable. But the more you rejected, you have felt or you still feel consciously or subconsciously, the more of those characteristics you will have. And, again, I'm repeating how important it is to recognize that when you feel rejected by other people, that also means that you are rejecting yourself. And it also means that in the past, you have had this trauma, this is a pattern, this is a scenario. And this is an opportunity for you to heal all of those traumas. And it's absolutely possible. It doesn't mean that this is like, you know a pattern for your whole life. It may or may not be depending on what you do. If you, you know, have the courage to look openly at this situation and to do the new that work and eventually heal this, your life may change, your health may change, and even your body may change. It won't happen overnight, especially for the physical body to respond. It may take more time, but it definitely works. And, of course, a very interesting question is okay, so how do we do that? How can we heal ourselves? Let's say that you have so the picture you recognize it looks like you or you have found some of the other characteristics. So you recognize you have the trauma of rejection what now and Truth is that there isn't only one way to address to address this. There are different techniques, different steps you can take. The most important is the conscious awareness. Just bring your mind see this brings light into whatever is happening or has happened in your life. No blame, no guilt, a very important principle. I'm reminding you again that chances are the parent who has rejected you, they have also felt rejected by their own parent. So this is kind of a pattern that goes so no one's really guilty, but there are also no victims. Very important note and also, focus on yourself, to forgive yourself, to stop blaming yourself to stop or rejecting yourself. If you change the way you treat yourself, your whole life changes and the way other people treat you also changes. And if you heal this trauma, you won't feel rejected by others. That's just a fact. And one of the ways which I recommend are basically the energy psychology techniques, EFT, matrix reimprinting, all kinds of spiritual practices that are related to working with the child, the inner child. For some people, it could be traditional psychotherapy, you may find different ways there is not only one way to address this, my personal choice are the energy psychology methods matrix reimprinting, especially also EFT also Bach flower remedies, and that's what I use in my practice, but you may find your own thing. You may already have your own technique, use it. There is no one right way to do this, but it's very important to address those traumas. So that my friends was Episode Number 14, which is about the trauma of rejection. Don't forget that the next four episodes are also related to the team about the traumas. And I hope you have learned interesting stuff. I hope they will help you to bring more awareness and eventually heal your life. If you need any help, please feel free to contact me from my website. Thank you so much for your time, and I'll see you next week. Bye bye. Thank you for listening to this episode. For more information, go to Mars stars dotnet and make sure to sign up for the free training. on how to create a psychological profile with astrology