Do you feel ashamed or guilty on a daily basis? Do you criticize and punish yourself when you can’t please other people? Or maybe you are even masochistic…
In this episode we'll discuss one of the main reasons for that - the trauma of humiliation. You will learn the most typical scenarios that create it and what are the consequences.
This episode is part of the series about the 5 types of trauma (episodes 13-18).
Listen to the show
You will learn
- when does this trauma typically occur and with which parent
- the body structure and other physical characteristics
- possible health issues
- the copying mechanism - the mask of the dependent person
You are listening to episode number 16. Today we are covering the third trauma, the third psychological wound that many people experience in their life and as we know all of those traumas, their roots are in our childhood. So today, the trauma we are going to talk about is the one of humiliation. We are going to cover how you can tell by analyzing the body structure, whether you or someone else may have this type of trauma and also what kind of consequences it brings, which is the coping mechanism, very important part and also other type of experiences and everything that you can do in order to overcome this trauma. So, first of all, let's talk about when this the trauma occur. Typically it's between the first and the third year of the childhood. And when we say humiliation, sometimes we imagine this as grown ups and what it may look like. And it's true that we may go through humiliation when we are grown up, but in childhood humiliation may look differently. And keep in mind that the personal interpretation of what's happening is the most important. The same event the same type of situation might be interpreted in different ways by different people. And for one child, this might be During the trauma of humiliation, and for another one, it may bring the trauma of injustice or rejection. And this is very important. So how does the person interpret what has happened? Not so much what was the actual event, but more like what was the internal experience and interpretation of what has happened. So, this trauma usually begins between the first and the third year and in most of the cases, the trauma is related to the mother. In some cases, the father may also be involved but generally the idea is that this is the parent which is more demanding and controlling when it comes to hygiene when it comes to eating when it comes to habit. You know, the things that we are supposed to learn at this age to be toilet trained to be To learn to eat on our own to kind of, you know, keep our clouds clean whenever possible, usually, you know, at least we have to start doing that at this age. And in most cases the mother is the figure which is kind of moderating or observing and navigating the process. And very often, some simple but repetitive states or situations may trigger the trauma of humiliation. It could be because of shaming the child that they are not able to do something, especially when it comes to the body and you know, how they are able to manage the body. I mean the child, how many it manages the body, but overall, there is a feeling of shame. The child feels ashamed for certain reason and something times, it may not be what you would expect the Mother, the Father, the other figures may not have this intention. They may not even recognize what's happening. Usually that's the most common case. Parents don't recognize what they do to their kids. But the child feels humiliated because they are uncapable to do something that's expected or required of them. And later on, it creates the coping mechanism of the masochist. This is a very important if you or someone you know, struggles or behaves or treat themselves in a masochistic way. The reason for that in most cases is because they may have the trauma of humiliation. the trauma of humiliation brings this feeling of shame and guilt and the belief that I'm on the way worthy and all the other stuff, I'm not enough. And this may create or bring the desire for the person to kind of punish themselves and make them really masochistic. So, this is like a very important part the masochistic behavior. Also, we may analyze the body's structure and for your convenience, so we have the drawings of the most typical body structure. So if you're listening to this on the website, just scroll the page you see the picture. If you're on Apple podcast or Stitcher or whatever, just click the link for the show notes. It will, it will direct you to the page where you can see the most typical body structure. Here. We have people who can be overweight. This is the most typical from All of the traumas that we are going to explore, which are five major psychological traumas. This is the one which can bring, in most cases over weight people. And depending on the strength of the trauma, the consequences on the body behavior, the masochistic tendencies will vary as well. If someone is a little overweight or they have a certain part of the body, which is kind of, you know, disproportional, for example, sometimes it could be the belly area. Sometimes it might be the shoulders or for some women, it could be the lower part like the hips. But if there is one part of the body, which is kind of disproportionally bigger than the others, very often this is a sign that there is a trauma of humiliation and those people tend to have not just overweight, but this is kind of like a fat issue. Because there are people who might be a little overweight or be kind of bigger, but they have muscles, you see their fear, they're somehow strong. But with that when we have a trauma of humiliation, it's not just overweight, but it's like lots of fat tissue. That's kind of a key point here. Also, typical thing about the body structure is that they may have like really big shoulders or like a large back area. And the reason for that is because very often because of this shame, or the feeling that they are unworthy, they're not enough. They are trying to please other people, and they're trying to do as much as they can for others, which at certain point, makes them feel overwhelmed and literally, you know, the body represents the feeling that They are overwhelmed that like it's like they're wearing a burden on their shoulders and they just need a very large, strong back and shoulders so that they can really, you know, wear all of this and handle with all of this. So, typical body structure overweight or something disproportionally big in the body. They may also be short, very often they are short, also more fat tissue, larger back and you know shoulders which are kind of strong or disproportional in some way. And you may notice that the most important for those people is to make others happy to please other people. And again, if we go back to the childhood, they have tried to please their mother. They may even do this as grownups. Sometimes it may work in the opposite Way, at certain point, they may stop doing that. But at least as children, they have tried to please the mother, but usually they haven't succeeded. Usually the mother has been very demanding. And as we said, sometimes it could be the father. Sometimes there might be different figures even at school, or no other authority figures may play the same role. But for a certain reason, those people feel like they are uncapable to fit or to cover the standards. And they feel like they are not enough. So it brings the feeling of guilt and shame and eventually, it makes them masochistic because they try to punish themselves. Typically, also, they may have lots of secrets, and they are uncapable or unwilling to express what they feel how they feel. So internal It could bring lots of stress. And externally it doesn't necessarily show. In the back flower remedies, we have one remedy, which is actually the first one, which is called agrimony. And this is for people who, internally have lots of worries, they may have fears, it could be a mess inside themselves. But externally, you just cannot tell this. They act very joyfully. Usually they make lots of jokes. So externally, you may say, Oh, this is a very nice person, they're having fun, they are not too serious about things, they're not traumatizing, and so on. So this remedy actually represents quite well. Those type of people who may suffer also from trauma of humiliation. Internally, they may have problems challenges, they may feel whatever they feel, externally, they just don't express It's like they're wearing a mask. And you can tell that of course, it will bring some issues for them. When you don't express who you truly are. It can never like disappear and go away. And it might cause some throat issues when you are not expressing your truth, who you are what you want. It's like a blockage in the truth area. Eventually, this might even trigger some tyroid issues, because those people feel that if they express what they really want, who they really are, they will be even more humiliated or ashamed of themselves. And it's all like a vicious circle. So one of the most important things for people suffering from trauma of humiliation is to learn to express their desires, what they think who they truly are. This will help them tremendously to change and to turn things around. Very Often also, they might be doing things like too much too much of something overeating or at certain point watching too much television or in extreme cases this might lead to take in medications or drugs or alcohol and so on. They cannot stop themselves when they start. So, usually this control is kind of unimportant team. And in other cases, they may try to control but kind of like the wrong things, control their emotions, self expression and so on. And at certain point, they just feel like they have to throw all of this away so they start doing too much of something. So control is something that they definitely need to be more balanced. Again, it's all coming back from the childhood usually control within the family or in you know, in the closest environment. has been a major theme for them. And also, they need to learn that they deserve. For example, a common situation is that they want to have like beautiful things in their life, beautiful clothes, or for the women, nice makeup or whatever something they they enjoy. But they don't allow themselves to do that. They are kind of buying the cheaper clothes, the one that don't attract attention. Or they might wear clothes, which are just inappropriate for their body structure. And it can make them look strange, which eventually would make other people look at them strangely. And it all again, confirms or repeats the same cycle, the same vicious cycle, that they feel unworthy that they feel accepted and eventually even humiliated. So a major lesson to follow their desire To stay true to who they really are. And that includes also sexuality. Very often those people don't feel capable of expressing their desire, it could be related to some kind of shame, or other thing that comes from the culture or the family environment during the childhood, but very often there is some kind of psychological issue around sexuality, and that needs to be addressed as well.
Okay, so let's see also, which could be the thing that they may want the most, and at the same time, they might be afraid of that. You might be surprised, but a typical theme here is freedom. So from one side, they desperately want the freedom and yet, they are kind of afraid of this. So they put all of those limitations They don't express themselves. And at certain point, it goes to the other polarity. So they overeat or overdo something, which is not necessarily healthy. So, freedom is something that first of all you experience internally. Many people make the mistake to search for this, first of all externally, that's a very wrong approach, freedom, and I would say many, many other things they start from inside of us. So people suffering from trauma of humiliation, need to learn, to give themselves this freedom, this opportunity to express their desires, what they want to commit to that, to even to learn to say no to other people to stop wearing or keeping this burden or trying to please other people. And this is a process you Usually it takes time. But the interesting part is that when you heal the trauma, when you heal the trauma of humiliation, at certain point, it will even change the body structure. And yes, the body is the last part of us which will change before that we have to change our emotions or our mind, our belief system to heal the trauma and there is some work and eventually when we handle with that, it literally affects the body, the physical body. Okay, so let's also cover some of the possible health issues which are most typical for those people. It doesn't necessarily mean that if you have one of those issues, you also have a trauma of humiliation, but chances are higher. So first of all back issues and issues with the shoulders. We already talked about this desire to wear the burden of other people to Take care of others taking too many responsibilities, all of that can hurt the back and the shoulders area. There may also be some kind of movement blockages of any kind, you know, it could be because of the muscles, the joints, the bones, whatever, sometimes it could be related to some traumas. But if there is a movement blockage very often this is because they don't allow themselves to do something or to go in certain direction. And again, there is just too much control. The throat area including the tyroid gland can also be problematic because of this blockage, the inability to share what they want and who they are. The pancreas also may have problems and the heart area, the heart because this is the symbol of our self love and People suffering from trauma of humiliation don't love themselves. They feel this shame, this guilt, this blame and all the stuff which prevents them for truly accepting and loving themselves. on a physical level it can hurt their heart. And also the skin might have problems because it's kind of like you know, it's the mask we are wearing. It might be itching or there could be other issues with the skin. That can also show us potential problems with connection with other people. And as we said, sometimes overeating or other unhealthy behavior.
And here is the key. When you accept yourself when you heal this trauma. You are changing the experiences in the future. So you will no longer attract the same scenarios. Because especially women who suffer from trauma of humiliation later, as adults, they also attract partners who don't respect them, who may humiliate them, who want really, truly acknowledge who they are and all everything that they can. Sometimes it may even be extreme humiliation. In other cases, it may just be verbal, it may just be an attitude. But, you know, the woman is again in the situation when there is someone who is higher than her putting her down and kind of denying her self worth and eventually humiliating her. And when this woman or when this person heals their trauma of humiliation, it changes everything in the present and in the future. Especially So if you or someone you know have this type of trauma of humiliation, please do something about it. And there are different methods which you can use like the EFT the matrix reimprinting, energy psychology methods. Those are some of my favorites, which I use in my practice, but you may find something that resonates with you more. Whatever you choose, just commit to get in touch with this trauma and heal it. Don't be afraid, it might hurt at first, but eventually it will set you free. So that's a general overview of the trauma of humiliation. Again, the key here is to heal this masochistic behavior. It could be quite problematic. It can be very hurtful for the person themselves and it may literally harm their relationships with other people. So it's a very important team that needs to be addressed. All of that which we just talked about is part of the theory created by Liz green. Sorry, this purple mistake. Liz green is an astrologer. Excuse me for that, of course, Leesburg Hall. She's a very famous psychotherapist. And she explains those five psychological traumas. So, go check out if you can find something similar between the picture we have created for you and your body structure. And maybe there are things that you need to heal, especially between you and your mother. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode, and I will see you and hear you probably next week.
Thank you for listening to this episode. For more information. Go to Mars stars dotnet and make sure to sign up for the free training on how to create a psychological profile with astrology.